Only once in your life, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again.
Like everyone in the early 2000 She lived in a extrovert-rich society. Everywhere she went, everything she did the ideal of extraversion thrived. Schools teached her from the moment she enrolled that she needed to involve herself in group activities and that to succeed in this modern society she needed to be bold, loud, and “grab life by the proverbials.” They taught her people love the rain but like everything she was taught, it was confusing. It puzzled her, why they used an umbrella to walk under it.
“I think I did love her”. He whispered. “It’s been years and I still think it’s her”. He looked out the window, his phone gently held onto his ear by the shoulder and stared at the rain that fell in sync with his closing eyelids. “It was the best thing I ever felt. I think that was love”. He didn’t believe in the idea of soul mates. But he believed he was lucky he met her and they were right for each other. Not because he was perfect or she was perfect but because their combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together. Because he didn’t look at her with butterflies and happiness, he looked at her with reality but at the same time with a fairy tale awaiting them.
Back in the days they used to see each other a lot, but neither ever proclaimed their love beyond the flirtatious cliche gazes. In this world overtaken by social media I guess you could say ‘He was online, She was online and so was their ego.’ She wanted to be with him but for some reasons she just couldn’t. Did she miss him? She wanted to lose herself in him. To tie her arms around him like a tourniquet.
She was self conscious and didn’t trust anyone and she hated that. Whenever he tells her how he feels and how beautiful she is, she second guesses it and thinks they’re only words. Who could blame her, it’s all she’ve ever known when it comes to relationships from the countless hours glued to the screen watching T.V series. This sadly resulting in the fact she was nowhere close to opening up about how she feels and letting her guard down. It was more comfortable this way. She didn’t realize love isn’t supposed to be “comfortable”, It was more of taking chances and risking a little. It was exhausting to live this way. It made her cynical, suspicious, and unable to follow her heart because she was afraid of what might happen. She wondered what exactly was she protecting herself from when all her walls were up. It sure had permeate her everyday interactions with him. For starters when her barriers are up, their lives did become needlessly limited.
Often she believed that she’d risk too much by being vulnerable, but, in fact, to him the opposite was true. For him trying to break through the walls she had built came with what seemed like an ocean of tears amidst confusion, but gradually the light started to creep in. “Open me up 😜😜😜 or at least try” she texted him one late evening. She had admittedly, skeptical at first allowed him onto the first couple pages. She ought to be more than just a cover. Like Orpheus going into the underworld, He took his own path downward and became fascinatingly consumed with the beauty that lay behind her beautiful mind.
In his latest writing “Le Sucre, Lift your chin, Your Tiara is falling” He was able to capture a reflection of her own confused and sometimes harsh approach to deep longing, She came face to face with the pain of her erected walls, her choices, and her own cruel, utter rejection of being vulnerable. And just like that, her heart shattered into a thousand pieces.
They could never have shared such depth of love if she hadn’t had the courage to knock the protective wall she had built up. Because she was so happy now, her joy makes her very aware of all that she could have been missing, had she let any of the big, bad fears stop her.
Al Pacino
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